Tuesday, August 12, 2008

The Ministry of Silly Games

The Olympics continue to ask plenty of questions for our brave athletes. As always, Monty Python continues to provide answers.

I understand the point of a competition to determine who can run the fastest or jump the highest or swim the fastest - but the ministry of silly games has decided that just seeing who is quickest across water from one bank to the other does not give enough scope for lanky Americans to pile up the medals. So we have backstroke and breaststroke and butterflystroke and sidestroke and sunstroke and heatstroke.

But this is unfair on athletics, the original olympic sport. We have various distances but only two basic kinds of track race, "freestyle" and "silly walk". There needs to be another race where you run backwards. Another race where you run with your legs splayed out to the side. Another race where you run, in honour of John Cleese, in full "goose-step" style and you are disqualified unless your leg stays perfecty straight reaching up at least to shoulder height on each step.

That's what they do in the pool. Alternatively, ditch the silly walks and return to olympic ideals.


Faisal said...

Hehe! I really enjoyed this post. You should hear the jingoism in the US coverage.

So, what about gymnastics...how should they be modified? And cycling...I can think of a lot of variations.

Not to mention my earlier suggestion of, um, sexual olympics.

Ann said...

Rana - your mid life crisis is very apparent. It's clear you desperately want to prove you still have youth. But contriving a sport that might just suit your skills is perhaps a goose-step too far.

Seb Coe said...

Since Britain is hosting the games in 2012, I think the UK should have some say on new sports that should be included in the Olympics. Snooker, Darts have a great shout for inclusion. In addition, a Binge Drinking Marathon would be a banker for GB medals and provide great audience figures.

Faisal said...

Wasn't there a pisstake earlier about UK "chav" sports that would guarantee medals...teen pregnancy contests, car stealing with the crack team from Brixton, etc.

R N B said...

Yes, we should have darts in 2012, that's much more of a sport than synchronised jumping. In fact, why not split every banker event into different classes and weight categories? It's certainly justified for the binge drinking competitions.